26 May 2011

My Favorite Corey Haim Films

Some people define "blog" as "Any of various internet destinations maintained by tragically deluded people who actually think you are interested in their all-time favorite Corey Haim movies."  Please, Jennifer, when referring to Mr. Haim's work, call them films, not movies.  Afterall, he was an auteur.

The Godfather.  Corey Haim was great in this movie and I don't know how he did not win the Oscar.  He plays Michael Corleone, son of the Godfather, Vito Corleone, and held his own going toe-to-toe against the great Marlon Brando.

Apocolypse Now.  Who could forget Corey Haim growling the famous words: "I love the smell of napalm in the morning."

Citizen Kane.  Some say it is the best movie of all time.  Corey wrote, produced, directed and starred as a man who wants the world, gets the world, and then regrets his life and what it took to get him there.

Gone With the Wind.  Corey plays Scarlett O'Hara, a wretch who is loved by Rhett Butler.  Who could forget the look on Corey's face when Rhett says, "Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn."  Classic cinema.

The Wizard of Oz.  Who could play Dorothy better than Corey Haim?  I love the part when he puts on the ruby red slippers and sings "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".

And my favorite all-time Corey Haim film has got to be Star Wars.  George Lucas usually gets all the credit for this film but it's Corey's performance that, just like the Dude's rug, truly ties this film together.  We follow Luke and Han and Obi-Wan as they battle Darth Vader and the Empire and then, against all odds, blow up Corey Haim at the end.  He is virtually unrecognizable as the Death Star, just another example of his ability to disappear into a role.

Ok, that's it.  Tune in next week to learn what my All-Time Favorite Martin Scorcese Movies are.  Hint: License to Drive cracks the top five. 

20 May 2011

And That's What Really Grinds My Gears....

Everyone complains about the weather but no one does anything about it.  Mark Twain said that.  But why complain about the weather when.....

President Obama has abandoned Israel.  He came out last night in support of the Palestinians and embraced the pre-1967 borders.  Iran must be licking its chops.  Why would Saddam Hussein not allow weapons inspectors in?  Because then the world, and specifically Iran, would know he had no weapons!  But we did what Iran couldn't: we weakened Iraq beyond all recognition.  You're welcome.  Now we are going to give billions of dollars (that we will probably borrow from China) to Arab nations whose most mainstream political parties would like to see Israel wiped off the map.  Could we please have Ronald Reagan back?  Heck, I'd even settle for Jimmy Carter.

Public Safety Advocates, a fancy phrase for "People Who Know What's Best For You Better Than You Do Because You're A Dumbass" want to bump off Ronald McDonald because he's a bad influence.  The last time I checked (I didn't really but it's just good, common sense) toddlers can't drive.  Their parents are the ones who decide what the kids eat, and if parents want to take their kids to a G-D Mickey D's, it's none of the State's bizness.  Sure, kids are fat.  I'm fat.  But I still think choosing what I eat is a basic human right even if it's not in the Bill of Rights.
Part II of "People Who Know What's Best For You Better Than You Do":  New York State wants to pass a law banning teens from tanning booths.   If you are not yet 18 it's going to be illegal to get a tan so you don't burn on the family vacation to Myrtle Beach or so you can look nice for your prom pics.  Shouldn't that be up to the parents to decide?  Oh, that's right.  They're dumbasses.

The three-headed monster of Hochul-Corwin-Davis are running for Shirtless Chris "I'm Really Buff" Lee's empty Congressional seat.  The 70-year old Davis gets assaulted by a phony camera crew, who edit the tape to make it look like they haven't been following the guy around all day and getting in his face, and then the incessant radio and tv spots accuse all three candidates of trying to kill Medicare.  Way to make a play for the Frightened Senior Citizen voting bloc, you idiots.  These ads run alongside others in which, apparently, if you agree with the Ryan Budget Proposal from a few weeks ago, you want everyone and their mother to have an abortion.  I don't know who to vote for and I just want it all to be over.

It's NBA playoffs which  means a series started on a Sunday should end right before you begin your Christmas shopping.  The Heat-Bulls series is averaging a game every four days.  Can we please pick up the pace, Mr. Stern?  If Oprah was really that powerful she would have killed bin Laden a long time ago.

I think there was some other stuff that was bugging me but, except for people who hit straights and flushes on the River, I can't think of it now.  Ok, that's it.