12 March 2010

Tiger Woods Adds To His Legend

Tiger Woods had sex with lots of women who were not his wife then went to rehab to save his image/marriage/career. The announcement of his return to golf has been imminent and it was announced today that he has chosen the Masters as his first tournament. The Masters is part of the threshold of Spring for me. Held in Augusta, Georgia, it is the snobbiest, most blue-blooded event outside of the Kentucky Derby. I love to look at the green grass and think about the Old South.

Tiger won his first major tournament at Augusta. The following year an old, irrelevant golfer asked the media to make sure that Tiger "doesn't ask for fried chicken or collard greens, or whatever the hell it is they eat" to be served at the Masters official dinner. Yeah, I love thinking about the Old South and whitey.

Tiger can't lose this weekend and this is why I love sports. He has already taken the most traditional event in American sports and conquered it. By "traditional" I meankeepers of the status quo, white propertied men who will never surrender their power willingly. It is happening in small increments and when the World War Two generation passes I believe it will breathe its last dying gasp, and the baby boomers will take over. But Tiger has already won. He can play the tournament and lose, but he will have controlled the spotlight of the 24-hour news cycle for five days, from Thursday until Monday. If he wins, it will be a comeback along the lines of Muhammad Ali knocking out Frazier his first time in the ring after Vietnam, or Jordan stepping out of a minor-league ballclub's bus and into the Bulls' gym to win a title. Woods doesn't have to win the Masters, but he's already added to his mystique. Every other golfer on the course will be asked and be aware of Woods' presence on the course. If he does win, it will be a moment in sports when a chapter is added to a legend, and I will be thinking of the Old South when he puts on the green jacket.

Thoughts On Pop Candy

As you might know I am a huge fan of the Whitney Matheson blog Pop Candy. She talks about all things pop culture. You should go read her blog. It's really awesome. Here is what I am thinking about entertainment stuff right now.

Lilly Scott gets kicked off American Idol. I really liked this girl's version of the Beatles' "Fixing A Hole". She hit a note that was velvet smooth and I really liked her after that. My personal disclaimer is that I have never watched American Idol before I broke my leg. Then I winced through it because I had to (I was laid up in the living room) until I saw Lilly Scott. I hope she catches on and I can hear her music somewhere in the future.

I wish I thought up Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, a hybrid of Jane Austen and zombies. Sounds good to me.

I really don't like Chris from the NBC show Parks and Recreation. He began the show dating the hottest chick in town, became homeless and an otherwise weird loser. He lived outdoors in a pit, ate dirt-covered carrots out of the community garden, and acted like no real human being without some mental issues would act. I don't get this character and his fall from brief grace is unrealistic.

The new trailer for Iron Man 2 popped up this week and I am psyched. Six more weeks until the summer movie season! OK, that's it.

And That's What Really Grinds My Gears....

Johnny Cash Has A Message For All Those Things That Grind My Gears

Here is a rant of things that have been bothering me:

I know the trial will be held somewhere else now, but Attorney General Eric Holder wanted to hold a civilian trial for the terrorists involved in the attacks of September 11, 2001, and have the trial in New York City. This defied logic on two ends. Military justice should be applied to an act of war. Not civilian justice. No Miranda rights. The Underwear Bomber, in a sub-rant, was read his Miranda rights fifteen minutes after he tried to blow up a plane and kill every body on it. Once again, this should be tried as an act of war. The extent of their rights can be found in the Geneva Convention. On the other end, New York City?! Three thousand native New Yorkers, whether they lived in Jersey or wherever, multiplied by the number of people who knew them and loved them, sixty, eighty, a hundred, and that is how many people that can't escape the media coverage if they hold the trial in New York City. How insensitive can you be Holder? Aside from that, you have NYPD officers providing security for the people who killed their brothers and sisters in law enforcement. Despicable. It makes me think what Holder's real agenda is.

The ban of salt in New York restaurants has been proposed by a New York lawmaker. I have no problem with the government regulating the food served in schools, but they have no business telling me what to eat. I am a grown man. It's bad enough the local government regulates how high my bushes can be, where I can park my unregistered car, and whether I can put an addition on my house. I'm not giving the government power to regulate my diet because other people are fat. Salt, sugar, transfats, whatever. Freedom of choice should be as much a no-brainer as being able to shoot my own food. These rights came from God, not my government. Keep your hands off my rifle and my salt.

Those G.D. Time-Warner ads really bug me. Roadrunner is supposed to be the fastest internet access around yet they offer a "power boost". What a crock! Former comedian/present shill Mike O'Malley walks around an antique shop, cranks an old phone, and asks the viewer if they want an outdated technology delivering their internet service. DSL is not dial-up, you morons. But you know that already. If roadrunner is so fast then why do they need a "power boost"? I had DSL for three years and it was just as fast as roadrunner. Their commercials fall between misleading and outright lies. And then there is the old lady who holds a press conference and says that she only signed up because of Jenny, the sweet, young girl who was the service representative. Yeah, I make all my decisions based on whether I like the person who took my phone call or not. What a crock.

I covered this before but Steward Governor Paterson wants to seize the Public Market in Henrietta, New York, take the twelve million dollars it has accrued via competent management and fiscal responsibility, and liquidate the assets. Dismantling a successful business that contributes to the tax base defies logic.

Does putting black boxes in all new cars bother anyone else? The runaway Toyotas prompted discussion that black boxes in vehicles could determine how fast drivers go, when they braked, when they left the house, where they went, and how long they stayed there. Patch it in to the cameras that overlook every parking lot and the list of our purchases that stores track, and we can determine what any person did on any given day. Sounds scary to me.

A few other things: talk shows where they talk over each other, public figures who answer a different question than the one you asked them, the Buffalo Bills vowing to change their ways then staying the course, and girls who try to trash talk about sports but have no clue. So, with apologies to the writers of Family Guy, that's what really grinds my gears.